Kai Leng's back, being himself. Might have implied you were the reason I got hit on Omega because he was trying to make it seem like I owe Cerberus for my being alive.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Which, all right. Yeah. I do. But I don't like it. And I'm sure as hell not confirming that it's true to that asshole. He has no proof.
If the station was about to explode, I would've lead with that and apologized later. I like us being alive.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Considering the last time a Green punched someone from another team they got told another punch would get them spaced, no. No, I haven't. Tried the whole not-breathing thing already. Wasn't for me.
But you're training Attano, yeah? That's probably the difference. Unless it was just Ghost being capricious or something. It's not like I've spoken with the guy much.
Could've sworn I saw you around him more than a little. Just tell me you're not interested in him? He's creepy. Never-without-his-helmet's a better choice.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Provided he actually acknowledges your existence. Manages to say hi, that sort of thing. Takes the helmet off. And actually has a head under it. Seems pretty important.
No wonder he doesn't talk much. Must be hard to form words.
[As if he believes that.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'd ask you to just tell me he's a step up from Taylor, but you don't even remember that so it's pointless. Are you really not gonna tell me why you punched Corvo?
[On any of those fronts. --Well. No. Attano is serious as a black goddamn hole, but she needs to talk about it about as much as she needs a bullet in her head.]
Is there anything else I should know? CDC hiring Reapers? Sturmhond and Alina break it off? Ghost is a literal ghost wearing a body suit? Sounds like you've got the juiciest sitrep
First of all, tell me you're reading the files, unlike Joker and Tali. Who actually acted like it was a bad idea. Secondly, Tali and Niko are a thing. Or nearly a thing.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
As long as the creepy sky thing doesn't drive them insane, they'll be a thing. Goto's running around. I don't think she's met a lover yet, but give her about five more minutes.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Might wanna keep an eye on yours, since she seems to like them built if Taylor and Vega are any indication. I'd try to keep an eye on mine but that doesn't exactly work. Also, stasis.
Look, it's a five-finger interface that I've made work for three. Typos happen. Fuckbuddy, lovers, they're close enough.
[The lie is obvious, but he doesn't think Shepard will really call him on it. He has a problem that starts with N and ends in 'oh-Varr.' At this point, though, he'd figured she already knew about it. Or maybe she and Tali didn't gossip as much as he and Joker did.]
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Kai Leng's back, being himself. Might have implied you were the reason I got hit on Omega because he was trying to make it seem like I owe Cerberus for my being alive.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Which, all right. Yeah. I do. But I don't like it. And I'm sure as hell not confirming that it's true to that asshole. He has no proof.
no subject
Oh for
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
I thought the station was about to explode out from under us or something Jesus Christ
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Have you punched him in the face yet?
[Cavalier as hell, but what else is she supposed to do? Time to get the surveillance ball rolling again.]
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Shepard.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
If the station was about to explode, I would've lead with that and apologized later. I like us being alive.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Considering the last time a Green punched someone from another team they got told another punch would get them spaced, no. No, I haven't. Tried the whole not-breathing thing already. Wasn't for me.
no subject
We can't even punch people now
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Are you kidding me
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Not kidding. Roxas punched Ansem, the guy responsible for a lot of shit that happens to Roxas, and that was the threat that got leveled by Ghost.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Then again. Honey's in charge of Red now. She might think it's funny. Maybe I'll ask her.
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SERIOUSLY? That kid can't even dent a tin can
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
I wailed on Attano on Ajna and no one said anything to me about it
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But you're training Attano, yeah? That's probably the difference. Unless it was just Ghost being capricious or something. It's not like I've spoken with the guy much.
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I am absolutely not training Attano
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Could've sworn I saw you around him more than a little. Just tell me you're not interested in him? He's creepy. Never-without-his-helmet's a better choice.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Provided he actually acknowledges your existence. Manages to say hi, that sort of thing. Takes the helmet off. And actually has a head under it. Seems pretty important.
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Attano and I have some mutual interests. Being within sixty kliks of him is an unfortunate side effect of that
[Do her a favor and curl up and die somewhere, Corvo. As for the rest-- yeah, not even going to question how he knows. Scuttlebutt.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
It's just a black void under there. Not much to look at
no subject
No wonder he doesn't talk much. Must be hard to form words.
[As if he believes that.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'd ask you to just tell me he's a step up from Taylor, but you don't even remember that so it's pointless. Are you really not gonna tell me why you punched Corvo?
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It's not serious. Don't worry about it
[On any of those fronts. --Well. No. Attano is serious as a black goddamn hole, but she needs to talk about it about as much as she needs a bullet in her head.]
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You and Falcon, or what Attano pulled? The not serious part. Also, if Honey says it'd be funny if I punched Kai Leng, would you want in?
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All of the above. Re: Falcon you can tell that to anyone else who's talking about it too
[She knows how this gossipy bullshit works. Go give your new intel to all your partners in crime, Garrus.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
& I'm in no matter what. Honey can kiss me where the sun don't shine
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Why would anyone be talking about it? Except for you, publicly, where anyone can read it.
[Congrats, Shepard, you're as stealthy as him.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'll ask. Beats all of the inactivity. Can't believe I'm missing being attacked.
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Can't we just do it without asking and threaten to murder anyone he ever loved if he tells someone
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
So threaten the Illusive Man I guess
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He doesn't even love the Illusive Man. Said he wouldn't die for him.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Besides. Spend that much time wrapped up in hate, there's no room for love. He has no one to protect except his ideal of Earth.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'd almost feel sorry for him if I didn't enjoy the memory of the look on his face when my bullet goes through his head so much.
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FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Okay but hear me out, Garrus. Next mission request: erasing him from the multiverse
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They've got a contract with him. Wouldn't be surprised if they can't do that unless he messes up big-time.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And him messing up big-time means bad things for Earth, so not an outcome either of us want.
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Ok so I buy his contract and THEN agree to get him wiped out of the multiverse. Let me dream Vakarian
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You do that, I'll bring the drinks with tiny umbrellas. All of them. Every drink with a tiny umbrella that's ever been made, I'll bring.
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Deal
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Is there anything else I should know? CDC hiring Reapers? Sturmhond and Alina break it off? Ghost is a literal ghost wearing a body suit? Sounds like you've got the juiciest sitrep
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First of all, tell me you're reading the files, unlike Joker and Tali. Who actually acted like it was a bad idea. Secondly, Tali and Niko are a thing. Or nearly a thing.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
As long as the creepy sky thing doesn't drive them insane, they'll be a thing. Goto's running around. I don't think she's met a lover yet, but give her about five more minutes.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Might wanna keep an eye on yours, since she seems to like them built if Taylor and Vega are any indication. I'd try to keep an eye on mine but that doesn't exactly work. Also, stasis.
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Of course I'm reading the files
[Note to self: talk to Tali and Joker about reading the files. Don't be like John Crichton guys, come on.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Goto and Grunt, right? Got it
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Also did you just use the word LOVER
no subject
No.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Maybe.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Look, it's a five-finger interface that I've made work for three. Typos happen. Fuckbuddy, lovers, they're close enough.
[The lie is obvious, but he doesn't think Shepard will really call him on it. He has a problem that starts with N and ends in 'oh-Varr.' At this point, though, he'd figured she already knew about it. Or maybe she and Tali didn't gossip as much as he and Joker did.]