[ Tense shoulders only prickle more, and he doesn't reach to take the canteen, not immediately. He hadn't been expecting much, but something about Shepard's near bland reaction doesn't sit well in his tightening throat. He's holding back, but red-rimmed red eyes narrow slightly on her.
Aeryn was half of what made PKN7, was the one who got under his skin enough to make him join. In the a slew of awful choices that come with being young, it was probably the best decision he made since entering the CDC. His race is meant to endure long centuries and the quiet test of time, not the rapid and more often than not painful day-to-day changes this service requires its recruits to handle. Without all the extra help PKN7 offered in strengthening, in teamwork and bond building, in catching up not just with the tech and things he didn't understand, but keeping up with it... without all of that, he has no doubt he would've also been a name on one of two lists already. The shorter one.
Now that the other half of PKN7 is sitting in front of him, alive and maybe not one-hundred-percent, but still here after all that happened... well, it's hard to choke that tightness back down into his chest and follow her example. Hers and Aeryn's. To be strong and stony-faced like them, like a solider, like the proper elf he's never successfully been. ]
No. Don't need to. She told me not to... to get attached.
[ He finally takes the canteen back then, glaring harder while placing it back on his hip with fingers that can't quite get the straps back together the first time. ]
It should start up again soon though. She's probly already started it over on the... Quota or Quartet or whatever it was...
[ The Qohol, he knows. He'd keep the name of the crew she'd been moved to tightly locked in his memory, but the fact that they took her away from the Neheda crew means they don't deserve his respect. ]
[There's a long list of things she needs to do before the program winds up again given how long she's been out and Aeryn's absence. Lalonde was gone too. Brown-- something in her walls off at the thought of Nicolas Brown. The point is she's down people and now, whatever she might have played at before, it really is her being short. Which means rearranging class rosters again, scrambling to assign material and make sure everyone's prepared to fly by the seat of their pants for the hundredth time in a row. There'd be messages to send, calls to make. Christ, she'd need to find someone to run off PT sessions and--
It'd be easy to get lost in the details (there's something appealing about the thought, the minutiae wrought opportunity unfolding out in front of her invitingly); but Shepard forces her attention to narrow, to stay in the arm's length worth of distance between them instead. Harder, but more fair, she thinks. Does that look on Jasper's face - the pinch around his red, bright eyes - some justice, right? Besides, at least the Crichton issue was something definitive to tackle: a subsidiary of losing Sun, but the most annoying and therefore the easiest to think about. Hard to be tender when she's too busy being irritated at John's self-imposed martyrdom.]
I've seen him. [Which on its own doesn't sound optimistic, she knows. But she'd not going to lie to Jasper's face and give him something mollifying like 'he'll be fine'. Right now Crichton seemed dead set on making a dumb decision somewhere down the road; the fact that he didn't know what it was going to be yet just made her feel gun shy and more jumpy. Unpredictable shit.] I'll take care of it.
You don't gotta. Tryin' to take care of everythin's probly why you ended up like you did.
[ Praise be, the boy does have a WIS score after all. Not that it took a high roll to see what Shepard put herself through for the sake of others on a regular basis. Anyone with a decent spot check could see how thin she wore herself. Other tabletop puns.
Though in all seriousness, Jasper is not about to let her do it again. Even has a solution to offer: ]
Maybe he can help get it started again. Be more than just the snack-bearer and help run training too. If anyone knows how Aeryn would've run things, it'd be him. Besides... might be good for him.
[ Jasper knows what it's like to need a good distraction. Without his familiar around to keep him better grounded, he's always seeking them out. Regularly running PT might be a positive distraction for John, especially with the amount of kids in the program. John is great with kids... though right now kids might not be great with John. ]
After he gets a little more crazy out.
[ Not that he blames John for feeling like he does, but even he felt the need to call him out on the level of stupidity he'd shown the Captain on the comm. ]
[There's a flicker in her eyes, a fraction where her mouth pulls at the corner and something in her goes soft and sharp all at once. This isn't how this is supposed to go and she isn't here because she cared too much or some bullshit. She'd made a few stupid mistakes in the field, caught a streak of bad luck and been put down for it. It's not a mystery; it's just tactics. Little things - that's all it takes and suddenly you're waking up from a solar month of being dead to the world. Or you're just dead. She wonders, for a split second, how Nicolas Brown died. Whether it was fast or slow. If he'd thrown himself to it the same way he'd thrown himself to the jehke at the drop and at her during his evaluation, blade flashing: a hot flash of reflected light against the danker, greyer Ajna sky.
She should be down with the bulk of the crew working on stripping the surrounding forest and building some kind of perimeter line. She should be on her feet, tackling the long list of BS she has in front of her (self-imposed as half of it is). Instead she's sitting on a stump at the edge of camp and for a second, there's a pang of heat in her chest about it. Something sour at the back of her tongue. For a second, she looks tired and old at the prospect of keeping Crichton any closer than he already is.]
It's a good idea, Jasper. [Not 'Khezek.'] There's going to have to be some-- restructuring. I'll think about what to do with him.
[Good to know the kid was thinking, though. Putting Crichton to task was something that had occurred to her earlier; though if there's any pride in the shared sentiment, she doesn't have the perspective to recognize it at the moment.]
You're leading your green cell, right? Have you talked to your people yet?
[ Jasper's thin white brows go straight up at the use of his first name. Way up. For a second he has to wonder if it's really Shepard sitting in front of him, or a shape-shifter in her form, but it's an idea that is quickly dismissed. He hadn't exactly liked being called by his last name, the one his grandfather so reluctantly allowed him use, but he'd tolerated and gotten used to it with Shepard. It was sort of the same way he tolerated and let Corvo get away with his odd, sometimes creepy routines around the rover. It was just his weird way. It was her militaristic way.
It makes him want to try something. ]
Thanks... Lydia...
[ There's a heavy pause after as he watches her, uncertain... ]
No... that's weird. You're Shepard.
[ And witht that settled- ]
Yeah, I contacted all but one. He's in stasis now... but I left his a message to get back to when he's feelin' better.
[If the look that streaks across her face at the use of her first name is any indication, it's probably not an experiment worth repeating. Lip curls, nose wrinkles briefly, and there's something in her shoulders that goes all uncomfortable and stiff over it which is less about Jasper and more about everything else. No one calls her by it and the lack of use makes it feel like it's not something she owns, something sterile and strange.
She lets it pass without comment - bigger fish to fry and if she wants to get Jasper back over it, she'll have ample opportunity.]
What's your plan for them? What're their strengths? Weaknesses? Who's going to be trouble?
[ That briefly wrinkled frown goes mostly unnoticed as he's suddenly bombarded with questions. They aren't even very difficult ones, just unexpected and.. well, he hadn't really given most of them much thought. He's still getting used to the idea of being a leader, even for a group so small. ]
I don't really know about makin' a... a plan. They're not all fire users but close, all but one, the only Longhorn outta a bunch of Leapfrogs. They're all real strong in their own ways... pretty sure they're all stronger than me, actually. I don't think they'll give me much trouble...
[ And even if he did, he's not sure how much he can share with Shepard. There is no gag order placed against sharing Cell details with anyone on Grey, but he already knew a few things about his team that should be kept between them, for trust's sake. Still, the uncertainty of his new role weighs heavily in his words and posture. He grips the bowstring at this chest even tighter and glares down at the ground, unable to meet her questioning look. ]
I've never been a leader for anythin' or anyone before.
[It's an off the cuff remark, sincere in how easily it comes - like it shouldn't mean anything to say it, butting right up against the edge of being dismissive about what clearly look like concerns in his posture. The hesitation isn't a point of worry. Who wouldn't be wary in this environment? This is like throwing someone in white water rapids and expecting them to learn how to swim.
But she's leaning forward now, that worn look in her face layered under something sharper, something more alert now.]
But you can't work effectively if you don't know what you're working with, understand me? If you're responsible for those people and what they're supposed to do down the road, you need to make sure you give yourself the best chance to know how to make whatever gets handed to you happen.
[ It's a lot of things he doesn't understand all at once, and he's barely gotten started. But he has worked on a small, close-knit team before. He wasn't a leader among them, but the situation isn't as foreign as he thinks. And it's like Shepard says, he just needs to know what he's working with. Except he would tweak that, just slightly... he wants to know who he's working with too.
He's still looking away when he speaks, glaring slightly as if to cover his nervousness with anger. The usual. ]
Well, I'm glad you're back. Any advice you have to give... I'll listen.
[ Listen, but not necessarily take, and edit, like he's already quietly doing. She's still on Grey, for reasons he still doesn't understand, especially as a Commander in her own world. But the last time he brought it up, she'd nearly bitten his head off for asking. He still trusts her, still remains curious, but there is hesitation too. ]
How did you get to know your team, when you were commandin'?
['What.' 'Who.' It's all varying language for the same concept. There's a reason she reads every file, personnel or otherwise she has access to and it isn't because she's much of a bookworm.]
Invading their space, mostly. [Which is a raw, humorless kind of a joke but still one by technicality - some vague attempt to soften that note of anger in him, maybe.] Asking a lot of questions helps, but the more important thing is being available when someone wants to talk. In my experience, everyone wants to say something eventually. You just have to make sure they think to come to you first or you're in the right place when they start.
[Is that even helpful advice? She doesn't know - it's unquantifiable, gut instinct that she doesn't really get how to communicate. Not a learned skill, not really; maybe if it was, she'd have better luck applying it here.]
[ His frown deepens slightly, not really liking what he's hearing, Even if it is honest, good advice. ]
So be available to talk and get lucky... alright.
[ No, he clearly does not know the connotations of what he said just then at all. He's still glaring at the ground as he says it, and when he looks back up at Shepard, he's still serious. ]
I'll start by readin' all their files soon as I'm back in the rover. Before that, there anythin' I can do for you?
[ Still firmly serious, but he becomes less so when his ears perk and head tilts slightly. ]
Need a shower or some food or anythin'? I still got some jerky, and some khesau meat from a hunt the other day.
[The files are a good start, though enough of the crew is squirrely about their existence that she makes an effort to close her teeth around the encouragement on at least that point. He's already decided to do it - doesn't need her backing a move he's already fixed. But the rest--]
Someone beat you to it, but thanks anyway.
[Because as appealing as the idea of sitting in a compartment shower for the next five hours and ignoring the things she needs to get done, that's not actually going to do anything about getting her up to speed much less out in front of any potential crap headed her way (because let's not even pretend that there isn't always something coming).
And she could leave it there easily enough. Instead, forearms across her knees, she studies him for a beat. Nothing but time is going to fix the raw note in her voice, but there's nothing especially rough when she asks:]
[ The moment of studying is returned, as he turns his head up long enough to stop glaring at the ground and look her in the eye. He's mentally debating asking... no, telling her something important. It's a debate that doesn't last more than a few tense seconds. It's like she said - everyone has something to say eventually, and right now Shepard is in the right place at the right time. He hadn't been ready, when Aeryn questioned him. Now, in the light of recent events, he doesn't have time to wait until he's ready. ]
There's... somethin' else that happened, that I didn't draw. My father came through here while I was in stasis, with the temp rescue recruits. Tried to find me, maybe to kill me. I dunno. He left before I woke up.
[ It's all very low and quick, as though he's afraid of being overhead, and there is an effort being made to keep his voice flat and calm. It's an effort, but it doesn't disguise all of the anger simmering beneath the suface. ]
If he comes back with anyone new, I need to lie low for a while. Figure out a plan. If you see another elf with long white hair and blue eyes, let me know. But don't kill him.
[It's been a long time since she'd read Jasper's file, but she wouldn't be worth her salt if she couldn't remember at least a few details - and it wasn't as if his father hadn't featured prominently in it. There's little that shifts in her expression, fixed and intent, though she leans back by a fraction of a degree.]
Long white hair, blue eyes. [Committing it to memory, though somehow she can't imagine running across anyone related to Jasper and not instantly recognizing them for it.] I'll let you know if I see him.
[ No questions asked. Good. He's not ready to go into any more detail than what he'd just given her. ]
Thanks.
[ His posture straightens out, arms finally dropping to his sides after being so guarded before. The anger he'd been trying to contain passes and subsides, like a boiling pot being taken off the fire, but his expression stays hard and firm. Almost like a solider.
[If her mouth flattens again, there's at least something like surrender there even if she's just humoring him. She draws her elbows back. She straightens the line of her back. It shouldn't be, but there's something more habitual and comfortable about that than the picture of Shepard leaning forward across her knees.]
I appreciate it. [Which, for better or worse, is sincere enough. Though then she's tipping her chin up by a degree, resolved on something.] But do me a favor.
[Uh oh.]
Half whatever you're planning to give me and take the other half to Crichton.
[ The solider-like posture remains, but that's defnitely an eye-roll he's giving her. A slight one, but still an eye-roll. ]
'Course I'll leave him some, but it's not comin' outta your portion.
[ You can't tell him how to do everything, Shepard. Especially not how to share food; he takes it too traditionally and seriously. Those experiencing a loss are more likely to skip meals. Crichton's portion would need to be dried, to keep it from going bad should he forget to eat.
[Look, she's only here to tell him how to do ninety percent of things - how to run, how to handle a weapon, how to pretend nothing touches you until no one's looking. The other ten percent like who he should and shouldn't be making cake for and, apparently, how to share his hard won rations? Alright. That much he can handle on his own.]
[ False surrender or not, it's taken seriously. He gives her a short nod of approval. ]
Alright good.
[ He stands there quiet for a moment, thinking. So much happened, and he knows Shepard is catching up on the network as much as she can, what with her Blackglass being in hand as it was before he came to meet her. She likely saw it, but it's worth mentioning, worth breaking the rigid line of his back for a more casual slant. ]
Oh yeah, one more thing that happened... Dagger gave out some... animals to Red team, and some others. There's three of them in fourteen. They're cute and kind of annoyin' and I can't cook them.
[ Then, even more casually. ]
Oh, and Anders was able to cure the nightmares Corvo's magic's been givin' me.
[There's a very lame joke on her tongue about the proclivities of armed forces to collect pets - nothing like being on a backwater colony and spending every hour of downtime not dedicated to watching crappy action vids trying to tame the wildlife -and it dies before it gets past her teeth. All the color washes out of her face and for a second, for a brief strangling moment, Shepard looks--
(her throat tight and no breath in her lungs and the burning, burning feeling of choking on it. acidic taste of bile and the weight of something dark and consuming humming over her shoulder like the throb of some ancient, black engine)
--she swallows down the animal fear. It's liking biting down on something to fend off the stab of something painful. She sits very straight, draws a slow shallow breath through her nose.]
[ The shock on her face and the gravity of her question takes Jasper by almost just as much surprise. He goes rigid again, but not in the way he was before. This time his tight stance is more out of nervousness. A similar animal fear he thought he was done with. ]
Yes... you were there, remember?
[ He thought he was safe telling Shepard, thought she knew Corvo had taken him and vanished in a cloud of swirling black mist. She had been the only other one around to see it happen. ]
It was durin' the shuttle crash, on Ajna.
[ Thinking on it again, she really couldn't be blamed for not noticing. The wind was powerful and ringing in their ears, they were all nearly frozen to death, and Shepard had suffered a nasty concussion. He also hadn't mentioned anything happening as a result until now, when it was already over and fixed. He thought maybe she already knew, maybe already guessed after how he had burned his hands. Thought now that he was better it was safe to be more open about it.
No-- [It's snapped out, sharper and harder and more rigid than she means. She swallows that bite down too, bitter as it is.] I mean-- after that.
[She shouldn't have let him go. Shouldn't have let Attano take him away during the snowstorm. If she'd been more aware, she wouldn't have let Jasper slide through her fingers like that.
Or maybe she would have. He hadn't been much different from anyone else then, had he? No more familiar than any number of children she's let go. No different from a boy on Earth, there one second and gone the next - left to burn. And it's an effort to wrench herself back, to steady herself. Her jaw locks. A muscle in her cheek jumps.]
No... don't think so. I mean I know he watches me sleep sometimes, but he does that to everyone in fourteen, it's just his way.
[ He doesn't realize how strange and awful that sounds until after he says it out loud, and grimaces slightly at his own mistake. That's probably going to do nothing to calm Shepard's alarmingly heightened state right now. He grows more tense at the shoulders, but only because she does too, and it's strange to see her like this. He'd been living with the man since coming to the CDC, and he's learned Corvo's habits. Learned and accepted them, even if they came with nightmares.
He'd been too scared to bring it up with him, anyway. Not after Corvo had put a knife through his neck for the infamous Blue mission, even if he asked him to. Something he'd be sure never to mention to Shepard now.
A subject change is in order. He tries it a little too quickly. ]
He holds his new pet like it's a baby too, i-it's weird but kinda cute.
[The carved bone had been there on the table next to her bed in medical. The thought makes something in her go cold and quiet, tip of her tongue against the back of her teeth. Maybe it's paranoia. Maybe it's nothing - because what good was she to Corvo Attano? Or maybe he'd been there the whole time she'd been under.
Her expression arranges into a series of lines as rigid as the set of her shoulders, the line of her back.]
You need to be careful, Jasper.
[And that part she means, emphatic and raw in that sleep ragged voice of hers. So she's apparently not willing to follow his tangent, but at least she doesn't say the part she wants to - that Attano is dangerous. Because the last time she'd tried to warn Jasper about someone, she'd potentially had a better answer for 'Why?' than she does now and had still essentially told him 'Because.']
I know, but... Shepard, I live with him. Share a bunk...
[ Its weak, because he can't argue back. Wants to reassure her that it's fine, that yes he lives with Corvo, but everything is alright. He's leaned to live with the man, and though he'd never admit it to anyone but Corvo, cares more than he ever should have let himself. It wasn't either of their faults for wanting a father, or a son, to care about. But it hasn't been alright, not since day one.
Just thinking about it is enough to make him feel like sinking down, back down deep to that black and breathless watery abyss he'd become so used to in dreams before-
He pushes the idea from his mind before it can effect his expression. He didn't just blank for a second, no. His face goes rigid again, lines imitating hers as best he can, though his are still slanted with a mixture of doubt and confusion. It's difficult to keep hidden without retreating to his usual mask of anger. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icon is what's on the inside
Aeryn was half of what made PKN7, was the one who got under his skin enough to make him join. In the a slew of awful choices that come with being young, it was probably the best decision he made since entering the CDC. His race is meant to endure long centuries and the quiet test of time, not the rapid and more often than not painful day-to-day changes this service requires its recruits to handle. Without all the extra help PKN7 offered in strengthening, in teamwork and bond building, in catching up not just with the tech and things he didn't understand, but keeping up with it... without all of that, he has no doubt he would've also been a name on one of two lists already. The shorter one.
Now that the other half of PKN7 is sitting in front of him, alive and maybe not one-hundred-percent, but still here after all that happened... well, it's hard to choke that tightness back down into his chest and follow her example. Hers and Aeryn's. To be strong and stony-faced like them, like a solider, like the proper elf he's never successfully been. ]
No. Don't need to. She told me not to... to get attached.
[ He finally takes the canteen back then, glaring harder while placing it back on his hip with fingers that can't quite get the straps back together the first time. ]
It should start up again soon though. She's probly already started it over on the... Quota or Quartet or whatever it was...
[ The Qohol, he knows. He'd keep the name of the crew she'd been moved to tightly locked in his memory, but the fact that they took her away from the Neheda crew means they don't deserve his respect. ]
You seen John yet?
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It'd be easy to get lost in the details (there's something appealing about the thought, the minutiae wrought opportunity unfolding out in front of her invitingly); but Shepard forces her attention to narrow, to stay in the arm's length worth of distance between them instead. Harder, but more fair, she thinks. Does that look on Jasper's face - the pinch around his red, bright eyes - some justice, right? Besides, at least the Crichton issue was something definitive to tackle: a subsidiary of losing Sun, but the most annoying and therefore the easiest to think about. Hard to be tender when she's too busy being irritated at John's self-imposed martyrdom.]
I've seen him. [Which on its own doesn't sound optimistic, she knows. But she'd not going to lie to Jasper's face and give him something mollifying like 'he'll be fine'. Right now Crichton seemed dead set on making a dumb decision somewhere down the road; the fact that he didn't know what it was going to be yet just made her feel gun shy and more jumpy. Unpredictable shit.] I'll take care of it.
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[ Praise be, the boy does have a WIS score after all. Not that it took a high roll to see what Shepard put herself through for the sake of others on a regular basis. Anyone with a decent spot check could see how thin she wore herself.
Other tabletop puns.Though in all seriousness, Jasper is not about to let her do it again. Even has a solution to offer: ]
Maybe he can help get it started again. Be more than just the snack-bearer and help run training too. If anyone knows how Aeryn would've run things, it'd be him. Besides... might be good for him.
[ Jasper knows what it's like to need a good distraction. Without his familiar around to keep him better grounded, he's always seeking them out. Regularly running PT might be a positive distraction for John, especially with the amount of kids in the program. John is great with kids... though right now kids might not be great with John. ]
After he gets a little more crazy out.
[ Not that he blames John for feeling like he does, but even he felt the need to call him out on the level of stupidity he'd shown the Captain on the comm. ]
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She should be down with the bulk of the crew working on stripping the surrounding forest and building some kind of perimeter line. She should be on her feet, tackling the long list of BS she has in front of her (self-imposed as half of it is). Instead she's sitting on a stump at the edge of camp and for a second, there's a pang of heat in her chest about it. Something sour at the back of her tongue. For a second, she looks tired and old at the prospect of keeping Crichton any closer than he already is.]
It's a good idea, Jasper. [Not 'Khezek.'] There's going to have to be some-- restructuring. I'll think about what to do with him.
[Good to know the kid was thinking, though. Putting Crichton to task was something that had occurred to her earlier; though if there's any pride in the shared sentiment, she doesn't have the perspective to recognize it at the moment.]
You're leading your green cell, right? Have you talked to your people yet?
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It makes him want to try something. ]
Thanks... Lydia...
[ There's a heavy pause after as he watches her, uncertain... ]
No... that's weird. You're Shepard.
[ And witht that settled- ]
Yeah, I contacted all but one. He's in stasis now... but I left his a message to get back to when he's feelin' better.
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She lets it pass without comment - bigger fish to fry and if she wants to get Jasper back over it, she'll have ample opportunity.]
What's your plan for them? What're their strengths? Weaknesses? Who's going to be trouble?
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[ That briefly wrinkled frown goes mostly unnoticed as he's suddenly bombarded with questions. They aren't even very difficult ones, just unexpected and.. well, he hadn't really given most of them much thought. He's still getting used to the idea of being a leader, even for a group so small. ]
I don't really know about makin' a... a plan. They're not all fire users but close, all but one, the only Longhorn outta a bunch of Leapfrogs. They're all real strong in their own ways... pretty sure they're all stronger than me, actually. I don't think they'll give me much trouble...
[ And even if he did, he's not sure how much he can share with Shepard. There is no gag order placed against sharing Cell details with anyone on Grey, but he already knew a few things about his team that should be kept between them, for trust's sake. Still, the uncertainty of his new role weighs heavily in his words and posture. He grips the bowstring at this chest even tighter and glares down at the ground, unable to meet her questioning look. ]
I've never been a leader for anythin' or anyone before.
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[It's an off the cuff remark, sincere in how easily it comes - like it shouldn't mean anything to say it, butting right up against the edge of being dismissive about what clearly look like concerns in his posture. The hesitation isn't a point of worry. Who wouldn't be wary in this environment? This is like throwing someone in white water rapids and expecting them to learn how to swim.
But she's leaning forward now, that worn look in her face layered under something sharper, something more alert now.]
But you can't work effectively if you don't know what you're working with, understand me? If you're responsible for those people and what they're supposed to do down the road, you need to make sure you give yourself the best chance to know how to make whatever gets handed to you happen.
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[ It's a lot of things he doesn't understand all at once, and he's barely gotten started. But he has worked on a small, close-knit team before. He wasn't a leader among them, but the situation isn't as foreign as he thinks. And it's like Shepard says, he just needs to know what he's working with. Except he would tweak that, just slightly... he wants to know who he's working with too.
He's still looking away when he speaks, glaring slightly as if to cover his nervousness with anger. The usual. ]
Well, I'm glad you're back. Any advice you have to give... I'll listen.
[ Listen, but not necessarily take, and edit, like he's already quietly doing. She's still on Grey, for reasons he still doesn't understand, especially as a Commander in her own world. But the last time he brought it up, she'd nearly bitten his head off for asking. He still trusts her, still remains curious, but there is hesitation too. ]
How did you get to know your team, when you were commandin'?
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Invading their space, mostly. [Which is a raw, humorless kind of a joke but still one by technicality - some vague attempt to soften that note of anger in him, maybe.] Asking a lot of questions helps, but the more important thing is being available when someone wants to talk. In my experience, everyone wants to say something eventually. You just have to make sure they think to come to you first or you're in the right place when they start.
[Is that even helpful advice? She doesn't know - it's unquantifiable, gut instinct that she doesn't really get how to communicate. Not a learned skill, not really; maybe if it was, she'd have better luck applying it here.]
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So be available to talk and get lucky... alright.
[ No, he clearly does not know the connotations of what he said just then at all. He's still glaring at the ground as he says it, and when he looks back up at Shepard, he's still serious. ]
I'll start by readin' all their files soon as I'm back in the rover. Before that, there anythin' I can do for you?
[ Still firmly serious, but he becomes less so when his ears perk and head tilts slightly. ]
Need a shower or some food or anythin'? I still got some jerky, and some khesau meat from a hunt the other day.
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Someone beat you to it, but thanks anyway.
[Because as appealing as the idea of sitting in a compartment shower for the next five hours and ignoring the things she needs to get done, that's not actually going to do anything about getting her up to speed much less out in front of any potential crap headed her way (because let's not even pretend that there isn't always something coming).
And she could leave it there easily enough. Instead, forearms across her knees, she studies him for a beat. Nothing but time is going to fix the raw note in her voice, but there's nothing especially rough when she asks:]
Do you need anything?
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There's... somethin' else that happened, that I didn't draw. My father came through here while I was in stasis, with the temp rescue recruits. Tried to find me, maybe to kill me. I dunno. He left before I woke up.
[ It's all very low and quick, as though he's afraid of being overhead, and there is an effort being made to keep his voice flat and calm. It's an effort, but it doesn't disguise all of the anger simmering beneath the suface. ]
If he comes back with anyone new, I need to lie low for a while. Figure out a plan. If you see another elf with long white hair and blue eyes, let me know. But don't kill him.
He's mine.
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Long white hair, blue eyes. [Committing it to memory, though somehow she can't imagine running across anyone related to Jasper and not instantly recognizing them for it.] I'll let you know if I see him.
[No questions asked.]
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Thanks.
[ His posture straightens out, arms finally dropping to his sides after being so guarded before. The anger he'd been trying to contain passes and subsides, like a boiling pot being taken off the fire, but his expression stays hard and firm. Almost like a solider.
Almost like hers. ]
I'll leave some khesau meat by your tent anyway.
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I appreciate it. [Which, for better or worse, is sincere enough. Though then she's tipping her chin up by a degree, resolved on something.] But do me a favor.
[Uh oh.]
Half whatever you're planning to give me and take the other half to Crichton.
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'Course I'll leave him some, but it's not comin' outta your portion.
[ You can't tell him how to do everything, Shepard. Especially not how to share food; he takes it too traditionally and seriously. Those experiencing a loss are more likely to skip meals. Crichton's portion would need to be dried, to keep it from going bad should he forget to eat.
Not that he won't try to remind him. ]
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Alright, alright.
[Look, she's only here to tell him how to do ninety percent of things - how to run, how to handle a weapon, how to pretend nothing touches you until no one's looking. The other ten percent like who he should and shouldn't be making cake for and, apparently, how to share his hard won rations? Alright. That much he can handle on his own.]
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Alright good.
[ He stands there quiet for a moment, thinking. So much happened, and he knows Shepard is catching up on the network as much as she can, what with her Blackglass being in hand as it was before he came to meet her. She likely saw it, but it's worth mentioning, worth breaking the rigid line of his back for a more casual slant. ]
Oh yeah, one more thing that happened... Dagger gave out some... animals to Red team, and some others. There's three of them in fourteen. They're cute and kind of annoyin' and I can't cook them.
[ Then, even more casually. ]
Oh, and Anders was able to cure the nightmares Corvo's magic's been givin' me.
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(her throat tight and no breath in her lungs and the burning, burning feeling of choking on it. acidic taste of bile and the weight of something dark and consuming humming over her shoulder like the throb of some ancient, black engine)
--she swallows down the animal fear. It's liking biting down on something to fend off the stab of something painful. She sits very straight, draws a slow shallow breath through her nose.]
Has Attano done-- magic on you?
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Yes... you were there, remember?
[ He thought he was safe telling Shepard, thought she knew Corvo had taken him and vanished in a cloud of swirling black mist. She had been the only other one around to see it happen. ]
It was durin' the shuttle crash, on Ajna.
[ Thinking on it again, she really couldn't be blamed for not noticing. The wind was powerful and ringing in their ears, they were all nearly frozen to death, and Shepard had suffered a nasty concussion. He also hadn't mentioned anything happening as a result until now, when it was already over and fixed. He thought maybe she already knew, maybe already guessed after how he had burned his hands. Thought now that he was better it was safe to be more open about it.
Maybe he thought wrong. ]
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[She shouldn't have let him go. Shouldn't have let Attano take him away during the snowstorm. If she'd been more aware, she wouldn't have let Jasper slide through her fingers like that.
Or maybe she would have. He hadn't been much different from anyone else then, had he? No more familiar than any number of children she's let go. No different from a boy on Earth, there one second and gone the next - left to burn. And it's an effort to wrench herself back, to steady herself. Her jaw locks. A muscle in her cheek jumps.]
Did he do anything to your head?
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[ He doesn't realize how strange and awful that sounds until after he says it out loud, and grimaces slightly at his own mistake. That's probably going to do nothing to calm Shepard's alarmingly heightened state right now. He grows more tense at the shoulders, but only because she does too, and it's strange to see her like this. He'd been living with the man since coming to the CDC, and he's learned Corvo's habits. Learned and accepted them, even if they came with nightmares.
He'd been too scared to bring it up with him, anyway. Not after Corvo had put a knife through his neck for the infamous Blue mission, even if he asked him to. Something he'd be sure never to mention to Shepard now.
A subject change is in order. He tries it a little too quickly. ]
He holds his new pet like it's a baby too, i-it's weird but kinda cute.
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Her expression arranges into a series of lines as rigid as the set of her shoulders, the line of her back.]
You need to be careful, Jasper.
[And that part she means, emphatic and raw in that sleep ragged voice of hers. So she's apparently not willing to follow his tangent, but at least she doesn't say the part she wants to - that Attano is dangerous. Because the last time she'd tried to warn Jasper about someone, she'd potentially had a better answer for 'Why?' than she does now and had still essentially told him 'Because.']
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[ Its weak, because he can't argue back. Wants to reassure her that it's fine, that yes he lives with Corvo, but everything is alright. He's leaned to live with the man, and though he'd never admit it to anyone but Corvo, cares more than he ever should have let himself. It wasn't either of their faults for wanting a father, or a son, to care about. But it hasn't been alright, not since day one.
Just thinking about it is enough to make him feel like sinking down, back down deep to that black and breathless watery abyss he'd become so used to in dreams before-
He pushes the idea from his mind before it can effect his expression. He didn't just blank for a second, no. His face goes rigid again, lines imitating hers as best he can, though his are still slanted with a mixture of doubt and confusion. It's difficult to keep hidden without retreating to his usual mask of anger. ]
I'll be fine. Just said Anders fixed it.
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