[A longer pause this time, a long long long collection of minutes. When she comes back again, it's sharper - more collected and more informed.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org I'm fine. Everything where it should be etc etc this isn't my first rodeo.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Pretty sure I've got the sitrep covered.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org You were keeping an eye on the program cadets, right? Anything I should know about?
[Though from the sound of it, there'd been time to accomplish approximately nothing on the curriculum. That isn't really the question though - how many wounded, how many FUBAR?]
If you've got the full sitrep, then you know there hasn't been a break.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Good news is that none of the cadets are or were among the dead. By were, I mean some came back. And some didn't. Bad news is that this was a hard mission. Some of the young are hurting.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
They've gone from killing animals to killing sentient civilians.
[The civilian losses are, for better or worse, not a surprise. Cold fact, one they should have all been preparing for as soon as the planet's files went live. That she can take it in stride probably has less to do with that and more to do with the luxury of sleeping through it. But even if it had been a shock, there's nothing she was going to be able to do about it - not this planet, probably not the next one either. Long game, she thinks, which is sickening on a basic level but hell. With her feet barely under her, resource management is a more useful task than wallowing is:]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Do we have a headcount on who died and came back? And any ideas who's responsible > same deal as on Ajna maybe?
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org +: How's your unit holding up?
[...Fuck. She wasn't supposed to ask the second one. And he can't think of a way to dodge that.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
CDC decided. Gliese said they got names, and they brought those back. And the rest weren't needed. Or their bodies were lost in the veil.
[He might be a little bitter about that, because Fiona and Temeraire weren't lost in the veil. And now the answer he doesn't want to give but she'll notice if it's missing.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have a unit.
[Time to cover.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Total of six dead at the end of all of the attacks: Mercer, Gallagher, Brown, Ginoza, Temeraire, Trip. Don't know who all died and came back. Ellie was among them.
[Ellie. It takes her a few moments to place the name - dredge up some distant memory of the girl. Whatever she'd said to the kid when she'd first dropped apparently hadn't impressed her (or had spooked her - couldn't tell which); one of the few kids she saw only in passing and the thought gives her some momentary pause. Shit.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Armada told me something similar re: Ajna resurrection process. Sounds like the same deal
[So bullshit. But what else is new? Not Shepard's tact, apparently:]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Should be nice to have the flexibility if something does come up.
[She's not talking about Guy. Whatever Garrus might feel about the assignment, with this many kids heading up teams it's probably to his advantage to not be in charge of all the paperwork.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Don't get trapped thinking small scale maneuvering. Rank doesn't help you here.
[And if that isn't one hell of an admission on her part-- It's a hard won truth, but one she's betting on now. They're all blind leading the blind. What had Gliese said? Information didn't matter.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org You don't think you can be just as effective without the hours spent on cross-team coordination etc?
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org You're good at what you do Garrus. If protecting people is your priority, you'll find a way to do it without hauling around a mile of red tape behind you
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Being at the top doesn't mean you get to save everyone either
Even officers here don't have the tools for keeping everyone safe.
[They don't anywhere. Though maybe that sounds like bullshit coming from her - Shepard who wears nothing on her sleeve except the bars of command, certainly not her heart - who demands a universe worth of effort from the people around her, but gives herself no quarter either. Being responsible for everyone is why Ashley Williams and Miranda Lawson are outliers to remember.]
[She stops. Reads it twice. Sets her jaw. Writes Excuse me? and erases it. That's one hell of a welcome back and erases it. If you have something to say to me you can just say it and erases it.
It's slow in coming, but a reply eventually does come.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
If you beat yourself over losses that are out of your control, I can guarantee you're not going to be able to do anything about the ones that are in it.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
The Garrus Vakarian I know wouldn't let a lack of official authority stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He didn't with Saren or on Omega and I'd be disappointed if he let it here.
The Garrus Vakarian you know is a little more limited here. He steps too far out of line and it's not his life that he's worried about, but his planet.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Typing like that about myself is weird.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Point is, I'm not gonna stop protecting. But you and I both bumped against the edge here. I've got to walk a narrow line, and I just got reminded the other day that I'm not great at narrow.
[Literally, when he fell off a tiny bridge.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Know you haven't let Grey stop you from caring or helping. You don't have to worry about me giving up either, Lydia.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org I'm not worried about you giving up. I worried about you thinking the only way to do this the right way is to beg for scraps from the brass.
Say someone's cell freezes up in the middle of something. As it is, I can suggest to Reiner that we back them up, then he can consider all that's going on and make that call.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
If I had a cell, I could make the call on my own. Move, depending on what circumstances are going on. I have to wait now. I can't do what I think needs to be done based on my own judgement.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have the resources I did just a few days ago. It's like my hands have been tied together. And there is info I've got from being a level one that I can't share.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org The resources you're talking about are useless and I'd bet a million credits that whatever intelligence you have from your level 1 status is the same.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org There are 8 officers in this crew. Gliese is the only recruit left from her first assignment. Do the math, Garrus. Chasing the command structure and the intel it may or may not offer doesn't keep anyone safe.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org A unit lead might be able to jump in if something minor goes to hell, but you're talking about slapping a bandage on a field amputation. You don't need rank backing you to teach people to take care of themselves.
You'd lose the million credits. And that's the end of that.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But Warriorhead and Armada are left together, and maybe they've got others from their first crew running around. I wouldn't measure everyone by Gliese.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm training people as I can, working with them as I can. And I know what would make things easier, and it's the higher chance of answers that I had before.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
She's been better. You know how it hurt the first time around, and hearing that it's gonna happen and there's probably nothing she can do about it...
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But she's also Tali.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
We're Normandy. We make it through things.
[Including demotions and losing friends to neraki.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
How are you doing? Need more of a briefing?
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
I'm fine. Everything where it should be etc etc this isn't my first rodeo.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Pretty sure I've got the sitrep covered.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
You were keeping an eye on the program cadets, right? Anything I should know about?
[Though from the sound of it, there'd been time to accomplish approximately nothing on the curriculum. That isn't really the question though - how many wounded, how many FUBAR?]
no subject
If you've got the full sitrep, then you know there hasn't been a break.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Good news is that none of the cadets are or were among the dead. By were, I mean some came back. And some didn't. Bad news is that this was a hard mission. Some of the young are hurting.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
They've gone from killing animals to killing sentient civilians.
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Do we have a headcount on who died and came back? And any ideas who's responsible > same deal as on Ajna maybe?
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
+: How's your unit holding up?
no subject
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
CDC decided. Gliese said they got names, and they brought those back. And the rest weren't needed. Or their bodies were lost in the veil.
[He might be a little bitter about that, because Fiona and Temeraire weren't lost in the veil. And now the answer he doesn't want to give but she'll notice if it's missing.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have a unit.
[Time to cover.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Total of six dead at the end of all of the attacks: Mercer, Gallagher, Brown, Ginoza, Temeraire, Trip. Don't know who all died and came back. Ellie was among them.
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Armada told me something similar re: Ajna resurrection process. Sounds like the same deal
[So bullshit. But what else is new? Not Shepard's tact, apparently:]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Reassignment?
no subject
I never asked about why some came back to life and why some didn't. Maybe I didn't want to know.
[Really, Shepard?]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Check the Green roster. Got told I didn't mess up. So there's that.
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Jesus they've got Ikari fronting a fire team. That's an interesting choice.
[Which is the nice way of putting it.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Looks like you dodged a bullet, Garrus.
no subject
Not so sure of that, Lydia. Unless you mean by not landing under his command, then...
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Good kid, could be a disaster. Who is gonna save that unit if Ikari loses his head? Gonna see if I can put some extra time in with Guy.
no subject
Probably a good plan.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Should be nice to have the flexibility if something does come up.
[She's not talking about Guy. Whatever Garrus might feel about the assignment, with this many kids heading up teams it's probably to his advantage to not be in charge of all the paperwork.]
no subject
Except I don't have it. That'd be Kotetsu, d'Artagnan, and Rogers with it.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I can't back up another cell if it starts to fall apart. Can't ask my group to move to support them, can't make the move myself.
no subject
Don't get trapped thinking small scale maneuvering. Rank doesn't help you here.
[And if that isn't one hell of an admission on her part-- It's a hard won truth, but one she's betting on now. They're all blind leading the blind. What had Gliese said? Information didn't matter.]
no subject
I'm thinking about saving who I can, how I can. I had that freedom. Now I don't. If rank puts you in a position to work, then it does help.
no subject
You don't think you can be just as effective without the hours spent on cross-team coordination etc?
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
You're good at what you do Garrus. If protecting people is your priority, you'll find a way to do it without hauling around a mile of red tape behind you
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Being at the top doesn't mean you get to save everyone either
no subject
That's what I've got now, the red tape. I want to be out from under it. I've always wanted to be out from under it.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I just want to keep people safe and it's not working.
no subject
You can't be responsible for everyone.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Even officers here don't have the tools for keeping everyone safe.
[They don't anywhere. Though maybe that sounds like bullshit coming from her - Shepard who wears nothing on her sleeve except the bars of command, certainly not her heart - who demands a universe worth of effort from the people around her, but gives herself no quarter either. Being responsible for everyone is why Ashley Williams and Miranda Lawson are outliers to remember.]
no subject
Are you sure you're Lydia Shepard?
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know what the 'from' address says, but it doesn't match up.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Then again. We've both had our times of hypocrisy.
no subject
It's slow in coming, but a reply eventually does come.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
If you beat yourself over losses that are out of your control, I can guarantee you're not going to be able to do anything about the ones that are in it.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
The Garrus Vakarian I know wouldn't let a lack of official authority stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He didn't with Saren or on Omega and I'd be disappointed if he let it here.
no subject
The Garrus Vakarian you know is a little more limited here. He steps too far out of line and it's not his life that he's worried about, but his planet.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Typing like that about myself is weird.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Point is, I'm not gonna stop protecting. But you and I both bumped against the edge here. I've got to walk a narrow line, and I just got reminded the other day that I'm not great at narrow.
[Literally, when he fell off a tiny bridge.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Know you haven't let Grey stop you from caring or helping. You don't have to worry about me giving up either, Lydia.
no subject
I'm not worried about you giving up. I worried about you thinking the only way to do this the right way is to beg for scraps from the brass.
no subject
I've got a little more pride than that, thanks.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't beg. Never have, never will.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But we both know that you can do a lot more as a Commander than a whatever rank it is you guys have at the start. Petty officer?
no subject
Alright Garrus, educate me.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
What benefits do you get from rank here? Feel free to keep it vague if you're under gag orders.
no subject
Say someone's cell freezes up in the middle of something. As it is, I can suggest to Reiner that we back them up, then he can consider all that's going on and make that call.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
If I had a cell, I could make the call on my own. Move, depending on what circumstances are going on. I have to wait now. I can't do what I think needs to be done based on my own judgement.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have the resources I did just a few days ago. It's like my hands have been tied together. And there is info I've got from being a level one that I can't share.
no subject
The resources you're talking about are useless and I'd bet a million credits that whatever intelligence you have from your level 1 status is the same.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
There are 8 officers in this crew. Gliese is the only recruit left from her first assignment. Do the math, Garrus. Chasing the command structure and the intel it may or may not offer doesn't keep anyone safe.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
A unit lead might be able to jump in if something minor goes to hell, but you're talking about slapping a bandage on a field amputation. You don't need rank backing you to teach people to take care of themselves.
no subject
You'd lose the million credits. And that's the end of that.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But Warriorhead and Armada are left together, and maybe they've got others from their first crew running around. I wouldn't measure everyone by Gliese.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm training people as I can, working with them as I can. And I know what would make things easier, and it's the higher chance of answers that I had before.
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