Even officers here don't have the tools for keeping everyone safe.
[They don't anywhere. Though maybe that sounds like bullshit coming from her - Shepard who wears nothing on her sleeve except the bars of command, certainly not her heart - who demands a universe worth of effort from the people around her, but gives herself no quarter either. Being responsible for everyone is why Ashley Williams and Miranda Lawson are outliers to remember.]
[She stops. Reads it twice. Sets her jaw. Writes Excuse me? and erases it. That's one hell of a welcome back and erases it. If you have something to say to me you can just say it and erases it.
It's slow in coming, but a reply eventually does come.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
If you beat yourself over losses that are out of your control, I can guarantee you're not going to be able to do anything about the ones that are in it.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
The Garrus Vakarian I know wouldn't let a lack of official authority stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He didn't with Saren or on Omega and I'd be disappointed if he let it here.
The Garrus Vakarian you know is a little more limited here. He steps too far out of line and it's not his life that he's worried about, but his planet.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Typing like that about myself is weird.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Point is, I'm not gonna stop protecting. But you and I both bumped against the edge here. I've got to walk a narrow line, and I just got reminded the other day that I'm not great at narrow.
[Literally, when he fell off a tiny bridge.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Know you haven't let Grey stop you from caring or helping. You don't have to worry about me giving up either, Lydia.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org I'm not worried about you giving up. I worried about you thinking the only way to do this the right way is to beg for scraps from the brass.
Say someone's cell freezes up in the middle of something. As it is, I can suggest to Reiner that we back them up, then he can consider all that's going on and make that call.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
If I had a cell, I could make the call on my own. Move, depending on what circumstances are going on. I have to wait now. I can't do what I think needs to be done based on my own judgement.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have the resources I did just a few days ago. It's like my hands have been tied together. And there is info I've got from being a level one that I can't share.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org The resources you're talking about are useless and I'd bet a million credits that whatever intelligence you have from your level 1 status is the same.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org There are 8 officers in this crew. Gliese is the only recruit left from her first assignment. Do the math, Garrus. Chasing the command structure and the intel it may or may not offer doesn't keep anyone safe.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org A unit lead might be able to jump in if something minor goes to hell, but you're talking about slapping a bandage on a field amputation. You don't need rank backing you to teach people to take care of themselves.
You'd lose the million credits. And that's the end of that.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But Warriorhead and Armada are left together, and maybe they've got others from their first crew running around. I wouldn't measure everyone by Gliese.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm training people as I can, working with them as I can. And I know what would make things easier, and it's the higher chance of answers that I had before.
['Tough shit,' she wants to say. Maybe 'Do they not teach statistics on Palaven?' Because let's not pretend the Gliese is an outlier. Warriorhead and Armada might be left together, but there's no accounting for when someone might drop ground side and decide to get the rest of them blown up. That math is bad no matter what data you're sampling.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org Well you don't have it. And focusing on it isn't doing anyone any good, including you.
[Doesn't seem like it'd be hard to get back together with Noh-Varr, but that's probably not the thing to say when her official opinion of the guy is 'inoffensive' and 'decent looking'.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You can't be responsible for everyone.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Even officers here don't have the tools for keeping everyone safe.
[They don't anywhere. Though maybe that sounds like bullshit coming from her - Shepard who wears nothing on her sleeve except the bars of command, certainly not her heart - who demands a universe worth of effort from the people around her, but gives herself no quarter either. Being responsible for everyone is why Ashley Williams and Miranda Lawson are outliers to remember.]
no subject
Are you sure you're Lydia Shepard?
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know what the 'from' address says, but it doesn't match up.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Then again. We've both had our times of hypocrisy.
no subject
It's slow in coming, but a reply eventually does come.]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
If you beat yourself over losses that are out of your control, I can guarantee you're not going to be able to do anything about the ones that are in it.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
The Garrus Vakarian I know wouldn't let a lack of official authority stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He didn't with Saren or on Omega and I'd be disappointed if he let it here.
no subject
The Garrus Vakarian you know is a little more limited here. He steps too far out of line and it's not his life that he's worried about, but his planet.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Typing like that about myself is weird.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Point is, I'm not gonna stop protecting. But you and I both bumped against the edge here. I've got to walk a narrow line, and I just got reminded the other day that I'm not great at narrow.
[Literally, when he fell off a tiny bridge.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Know you haven't let Grey stop you from caring or helping. You don't have to worry about me giving up either, Lydia.
no subject
I'm not worried about you giving up. I worried about you thinking the only way to do this the right way is to beg for scraps from the brass.
no subject
I've got a little more pride than that, thanks.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't beg. Never have, never will.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But we both know that you can do a lot more as a Commander than a whatever rank it is you guys have at the start. Petty officer?
no subject
Alright Garrus, educate me.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
What benefits do you get from rank here? Feel free to keep it vague if you're under gag orders.
no subject
Say someone's cell freezes up in the middle of something. As it is, I can suggest to Reiner that we back them up, then he can consider all that's going on and make that call.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
If I had a cell, I could make the call on my own. Move, depending on what circumstances are going on. I have to wait now. I can't do what I think needs to be done based on my own judgement.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't have the resources I did just a few days ago. It's like my hands have been tied together. And there is info I've got from being a level one that I can't share.
no subject
The resources you're talking about are useless and I'd bet a million credits that whatever intelligence you have from your level 1 status is the same.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
There are 8 officers in this crew. Gliese is the only recruit left from her first assignment. Do the math, Garrus. Chasing the command structure and the intel it may or may not offer doesn't keep anyone safe.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
A unit lead might be able to jump in if something minor goes to hell, but you're talking about slapping a bandage on a field amputation. You don't need rank backing you to teach people to take care of themselves.
no subject
You'd lose the million credits. And that's the end of that.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But Warriorhead and Armada are left together, and maybe they've got others from their first crew running around. I wouldn't measure everyone by Gliese.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm training people as I can, working with them as I can. And I know what would make things easier, and it's the higher chance of answers that I had before.
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Well you don't have it. And focusing on it isn't doing anyone any good, including you.
no subject
You're assuming I'm still focusing on it.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
When I lost it, I was. But that was days ago, Shepard. I know what I'm doing now and it's the same thing I've been doing. I'm protecting.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Wish I had the freedom to shift around, yeah. But I'm not standing around, waiting for it to get returned. It might. It might not be. We'll see.
no subject
FROM: shepard.lydiua@cdc.org
Good. Glad to hear it.
no subject
Moved your stuff, by the way. Patched tent and all. Got it in Rover 2 for you when you're up to claiming it.
no subject
Thanks.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Once my legs remember how to work I'll look into heading over.
no subject
Did you need to be carried? Cling to the carapace and be hauled over here?
no subject
I think I'll make it. But thanks for the offer, Garrus.
no subject
Anytime, Shepard.
[And then, after a beat as he decides whether or not to share the news:]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Got back with Noh while you were sleeping.
no subject
Hey, congrats.
[Doesn't seem like it'd be hard to get back together with Noh-Varr, but that's probably not the thing to say when her official opinion of the guy is 'inoffensive' and 'decent looking'.]
no subject
Garrus doesn't know what he'd expected, but that works.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Thanks. Give me a call when you're at the door.