[He's glad, just a little, that that's the question she asks. And it's selfish. Garrus knows he's hurting her. That guilt's heavy in his mind as he replies in an equally weighty voice, but better this then she go looking like she had to with Liara, and better this than never getting to say goodbye like he'd gone through with the SR-1.]
He's promised to protect it. I landed my own dumb ass here, Shepard, and put it at risk. If I'm... If I'm taken out for a mission I'm not violating my contract, I can't get Palaven in more trouble by possibly fucking up, and he's looking after her interests.
[It still doesn't mean he wants to die. But there's at least some gain from it.]
I'm sorry about the thing with Crichton too. I couldn't have... I had to step in. Everyone could see the dispute growing. But...
[It's another trailing off. Garrus has never been particularly good with words. He knows his strength is in action, but there isn't anything he can do for her right now.]
Shouldn't have let so much time go before apologizing. I figured I had time.
[Garrus chuckles at that. It's a stupid assumption, always. He's used to war. He should know that.]
Don't beat yourself up. This is my fault and my doing. And I... It's been an honor to serve with you, Commander.
[She shouldn't let that sit, let a beat of silence stretch out. It sounds like he's running short on time and that's no point for her to go grasping at straws - but it takes her a beat to follow the transmission. She can't accept his apology (it means validating that he even needed to say it; that there was any reason for him to apologize when in reality he'd just been doing the job he'd set out to do - same as any of them, same as she would've done). But she also can't agree that any of this is his fault; Garrus might have agreed to mission parameters, but he sure as hell didn't set them and this kind of bullshit frittering away from personnel didn't serve any purpose except to prove a point - not if what Armada had said held any truth to it.
She should say the pleasure's been all hers, maybe. Say goodbye. What she goes with is:] I'll find who sent this order down the chain, Garrus.
[And somewhere out there, CDC brass is probably listening in; if it sounds like a threat, that's probably because it is.]
[He doesn't want to close the line. He doesn't want to stop the conversation and know that there's a high chance he'll never hear her voice again. She's the first he called, and the one he's staying on the line with throughout. Everything else is sent between, mostly typed, because Garrus wants his best friend in these last few moments.
It takes work to push what's going on out of his voice, and there's a little left in his subharmonics when he speaks, but for the most part, he sounds as he ever does - amused, smug, and teasing.]
Just don't fall through any fishtanks while doing it. Once was enough, and we had Wrex as backup. This search for info probably takes a little more finesse. And a little less dancing. Also less threatening of an innocent volus.
[He stops himself before adding that she probably scared twenty years off that volus' life. It doesn't work, here. What does work is leaving it clean. Going out on a joke. And so, head bowed as he fights with his emotions, Garrus sends the message and closes out his comm link. He's had three eulogies and a promise to take care of his flower, and this is the conversation that's making him wish horribly that there's another way. Once the line is dead Garrus whispers a goodbye that will never be heard, and leans against a scrawny tree in the middle of ice and snow.]
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no subject
He's promised to protect it. I landed my own dumb ass here, Shepard, and put it at risk. If I'm... If I'm taken out for a mission I'm not violating my contract, I can't get Palaven in more trouble by possibly fucking up, and he's looking after her interests.
[It still doesn't mean he wants to die. But there's at least some gain from it.]
I'm sorry about the thing with Crichton too. I couldn't have... I had to step in. Everyone could see the dispute growing. But...
[It's another trailing off. Garrus has never been particularly good with words. He knows his strength is in action, but there isn't anything he can do for her right now.]
Shouldn't have let so much time go before apologizing. I figured I had time.
[Garrus chuckles at that. It's a stupid assumption, always. He's used to war. He should know that.]
Don't beat yourself up. This is my fault and my doing. And I... It's been an honor to serve with you, Commander.
no subject
She should say the pleasure's been all hers, maybe. Say goodbye. What she goes with is:] I'll find who sent this order down the chain, Garrus.
[And somewhere out there, CDC brass is probably listening in; if it sounds like a threat, that's probably because it is.]
no subject
It takes work to push what's going on out of his voice, and there's a little left in his subharmonics when he speaks, but for the most part, he sounds as he ever does - amused, smug, and teasing.]
Just don't fall through any fishtanks while doing it. Once was enough, and we had Wrex as backup. This search for info probably takes a little more finesse. And a little less dancing. Also less threatening of an innocent volus.
[He stops himself before adding that she probably scared twenty years off that volus' life. It doesn't work, here. What does work is leaving it clean. Going out on a joke. And so, head bowed as he fights with his emotions, Garrus sends the message and closes out his comm link. He's had three eulogies and a promise to take care of his flower, and this is the conversation that's making him wish horribly that there's another way. Once the line is dead Garrus whispers a goodbye that will never be heard, and leans against a scrawny tree in the middle of ice and snow.]