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[She could leave it at that - pretend this never happened and they can both go back to the usual without any change. Hinata stays in the program, she stays at arm's length. Instead:]
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
What the real issue here, Hinata? It's obviously not the program
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
What the real issue here, Hinata? It's obviously not the program
[he expected her to either kick him out for wasting her time (not really, that was just a worry that cropped up) or (more likely) agree and drop the conversation.]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
I don't know?
[he half-wishes she'd picked the usual latter. couldn't even come up with a proper excuse; this was quickly turning from an embarrassing mistake to a mortifying mar.]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
I mean its part about the time, it seems like before I know it, it's dark out and you can't do much outside of camp!
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
Otherwise I don't know
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
PTs not often but it feels like too much sometimes?? There's no, sick days, or holidays
[he'd never wanted to miss a day of practice in his life - he'd gone even when during flu seasons (and been sent home in the same period). but, well. as was obvious. PT wasn't volleyball practice. that apparently made all the difference.]
That sounds really whiny and lazy and I don't mean it like that, honest, except I guess I kind of do? I don't know, its confusing, I can't describe it
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
I don't know?
[he half-wishes she'd picked the usual latter. couldn't even come up with a proper excuse; this was quickly turning from an embarrassing mistake to a mortifying mar.]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
I mean its part about the time, it seems like before I know it, it's dark out and you can't do much outside of camp!
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
Otherwise I don't know
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
PTs not often but it feels like too much sometimes?? There's no, sick days, or holidays
[he'd never wanted to miss a day of practice in his life - he'd gone even when during flu seasons (and been sent home in the same period). but, well. as was obvious. PT wasn't volleyball practice. that apparently made all the difference.]
That sounds really whiny and lazy and I don't mean it like that, honest, except I guess I kind of do? I don't know, its confusing, I can't describe it
[He concedes with a shrug and another hand of cards on the table, because she's right, of course.
There are a lot of dumb kids on this boat, who probably want to incite rebellion without fully understanding the consequences, or how to even go about it in a way that isn't inexperienced and dangerous. He supposes it's inevitable--someone, somewhere along the line, is going to do something so completely stupid in the name of fighting back that it thoroughly bones the rest of them.]
Only a matter of time.
There are a lot of dumb kids on this boat, who probably want to incite rebellion without fully understanding the consequences, or how to even go about it in a way that isn't inexperienced and dangerous. He supposes it's inevitable--someone, somewhere along the line, is going to do something so completely stupid in the name of fighting back that it thoroughly bones the rest of them.]
Only a matter of time.
[why... whyyy... a hole had better up and swallow him - a phrase so cliche he never before believed it but now he hoped with all his heart it would come true. would she make him do push ups? run a few miles? carry something heavy in circles? the ideas were ridiculous.]
[in any case, he will be in the same spot. one tree off from the watch post, butt planted on a root that broke to the surface. dagger on his leg, check. gun on the other, check. a whole lot of hand-wringing and nail-picking despite looking quite well-rested (the tension in jaw and eyes came from the figures in the medical tent), check and check.]
[the second she came into view, up to his feet he jumped. but what--?!]
[in any case, he will be in the same spot. one tree off from the watch post, butt planted on a root that broke to the surface. dagger on his leg, check. gun on the other, check. a whole lot of hand-wringing and nail-picking despite looking quite well-rested (the tension in jaw and eyes came from the figures in the medical tent), check and check.]
[the second she came into view, up to his feet he jumped. but what--?!]
[She comes down from near the line of rovers, line of her chin habitually high over the turned up collar of her Ajna issue jacket. After so many PT sessions, she should cut a familiar figure as she makes her way down to the outpost though as she draws closer it's pretty damn clear she's been more put together than she is right this second. There's something sharp in her expression, undercut by what is clearly a recent, dried but unfaded blood stain all over her jacket's left sleeve.
She should be mollified by Hinata leaping to his feet at the sight of her. Instead it cuts up under her ribs and hooks back into something raw and bloody and sensitive. Shepard draws to a halt, heavy boots scraping in the shale and sand.]
So what's the plan? If I let you off the hook, what exactly are you gonna do with those two extra hours?
She should be mollified by Hinata leaping to his feet at the sight of her. Instead it cuts up under her ribs and hooks back into something raw and bloody and sensitive. Shepard draws to a halt, heavy boots scraping in the shale and sand.]
So what's the plan? If I let you off the hook, what exactly are you gonna do with those two extra hours?
Edited 2015-05-12 07:14 (UTC)
[arms at his sides, wary eyes on her. the day had been full of emotion, declarations and promises; none from instructors, none from the CDC, invigorating all the same. even if Ciel, Guy and Parker matched up to Tess's disdainful prediction for who would be willing to listen, weighted words carried purpose. but there wasn't anything immediately to be done, and after ghosting around medical for nearly an hour, he had to get away. so why the change with the boot camp? a feeling of growing older? of not needing to be treated as a cadet? initially, yes. -- Shepard halted, spoke.]
[ah.]
[he'd rather the push ups.]
I... [a too-long pause, expression pinched. always had been better over text.] ... Hadn't planned that far.
[a beat. head turning down and to the side by a few scant centimeters, as if a new recruit looking for signs he was doing it right. not as nervous as usual - embarrassed, though, in a strained, uncomfortable way.]
Which is fine. Since it's not happening.
[ah.]
[he'd rather the push ups.]
I... [a too-long pause, expression pinched. always had been better over text.] ... Hadn't planned that far.
[a beat. head turning down and to the side by a few scant centimeters, as if a new recruit looking for signs he was doing it right. not as nervous as usual - embarrassed, though, in a strained, uncomfortable way.]
Which is fine. Since it's not happening.
[It's a small battle not the settle on her heels, to cross her arms over her chest. She wishes for her rifle, slung over her shoulder and a familiar weight at her hip, so she could tuck her hand at the strap: sway back against it like leverage off a line. Instead she forces her arms to stay loose at her sides. Forces herself to stay forward on the balls of her feet instead of collapsing back into that habitual, defensive line.
Patience isn't her forte, but that doesn't mean she doesn't sometimes consider it as a concept. So Shepard let's him talk, let's the sideways look of his hang between them for a second - and then she flicks her eyes away, shifting her weight to scan the camp as it's laid out between them and the beach.
And then she swings her attention back around, the line of her shoulders unconsciously crisp.]
You know what this program's for, right?
Patience isn't her forte, but that doesn't mean she doesn't sometimes consider it as a concept. So Shepard let's him talk, let's the sideways look of his hang between them for a second - and then she flicks her eyes away, shifting her weight to scan the camp as it's laid out between them and the beach.
And then she swings her attention back around, the line of her shoulders unconsciously crisp.]
You know what this program's for, right?
[she barely moves from neck down, and that's preciously why he catches sight of the smudge at her cuff. something out of line, as curious as her being here, and he thinks he could bring it up and she'd leave and it'd be fine except no, that was a terrible idea, why had he even had that idea?]
[he'd yet to have a formal dressing down, but the dread on her words felt like it came close. it wiped away caution -- one little question, and he became irrationally irritated at himself and her, and, beyond that, tired.]
I know, I know. [head remaining slightly ducked, eyes off to the side, the rest of him doing its best to pull to attention without actually raising his shoulders.] To prepare for upcoming missions, to learn the skills necessary for survival and how being in a military environment works, I know, Ms. Shepard, I know. There's no-- there's not sick days on the field, those are called dead days. It's-- I--- I feel, I don't know, either I can't sleep or I sleep too much but I'm always tired and sometimes, it's the days where I can sleep, so I sleep a lot, and those days, it's- really, really hard to get up for things, you know?
[right?]
[... the last two words stick as barbed thorns in his mind, a belated why are you so worked up about this? sneaking in under. he realizes he's worked himself up into faster breathing at about the same time he realizes how much he rambled. mouth opens, apology poised, but for another too-long second, he freezes up.]
[he'd yet to have a formal dressing down, but the dread on her words felt like it came close. it wiped away caution -- one little question, and he became irrationally irritated at himself and her, and, beyond that, tired.]
I know, I know. [head remaining slightly ducked, eyes off to the side, the rest of him doing its best to pull to attention without actually raising his shoulders.] To prepare for upcoming missions, to learn the skills necessary for survival and how being in a military environment works, I know, Ms. Shepard, I know. There's no-- there's not sick days on the field, those are called dead days. It's-- I--- I feel, I don't know, either I can't sleep or I sleep too much but I'm always tired and sometimes, it's the days where I can sleep, so I sleep a lot, and those days, it's- really, really hard to get up for things, you know?
[right?]
[... the last two words stick as barbed thorns in his mind, a belated why are you so worked up about this? sneaking in under. he realizes he's worked himself up into faster breathing at about the same time he realizes how much he rambled. mouth opens, apology poised, but for another too-long second, he freezes up.]
[She makes a low noise, bitter in the back of her throat, as she moves to start collapsing down the rover's unfolding table and benches - does it automatically even if this isn't her space. There are some basic tenants to lashing down for a storm, proverbial or otherwise, and she might not know where any of the crap in the rover goes, but she can make sure it's basic components are on lock down.]
Sounds about right.
[Because it's not like the instructors haven't made a habit of being missing at the most inconvenient times. To her mind, it's less coincidence and more par for the course. Armada and Warriorhead disappearing during the recent drop and stampede, Gliese hibernating through ninety percent of the bullshit the crew gets run through - honestly, is there anything odd about finding out Dagger's missing for this?]
Sounds about right.
[Because it's not like the instructors haven't made a habit of being missing at the most inconvenient times. To her mind, it's less coincidence and more par for the course. Armada and Warriorhead disappearing during the recent drop and stampede, Gliese hibernating through ninety percent of the bullshit the crew gets run through - honestly, is there anything odd about finding out Dagger's missing for this?]
[She has a pretty good idea of what the statistics are - how things like combat fatigue look (this isn't that, not really) and what it's called when you find yourself on leave and there's too many kinds of microwaveable dinners. Because she's supposed to know how to recognize those things. Because avoiding the snap of indecision is part of her job. Because when you're the only person left on the ground when a shuttle comes down to extract your team from unexpectedly hostile territory, the Alliance does a pretty thorough job of making sure there isn't any 'lasting trauma' before sending you off to do it again.
If this were home, she'd write a letter recommending furlough. But if this were home, she wouldn't be talking to a child in the first place - and for a second that thought makes her briefly angry, briefly sharp, something like the taste of metal in her mouth in the moment before she swallows it down and smooths out the twitching line of irritation from the corner of her mouth. What the hell is she supposed to do with this here?]
You're half right. [There's no bite in that, no edge of a dressing down hiding at the fringe of the words. And she keeps talking because she doesn't need him to try and fill the space or doesn't want him to - can't miss the sharp intake of his breathing or how he seizes up.] Some of the cadets in the program - they're already pretty good at some things, right? Lan Fan knows what she's doing, but I still make her run and take all the same classes with the rest of you. It's not just about being combat ready. It's making sure you have people you know and trust. So when you come up short, you know there's someone else that can pick up the slack and you don't have to feel guilty or make excuses for it.
If this were home, she'd write a letter recommending furlough. But if this were home, she wouldn't be talking to a child in the first place - and for a second that thought makes her briefly angry, briefly sharp, something like the taste of metal in her mouth in the moment before she swallows it down and smooths out the twitching line of irritation from the corner of her mouth. What the hell is she supposed to do with this here?]
You're half right. [There's no bite in that, no edge of a dressing down hiding at the fringe of the words. And she keeps talking because she doesn't need him to try and fill the space or doesn't want him to - can't miss the sharp intake of his breathing or how he seizes up.] Some of the cadets in the program - they're already pretty good at some things, right? Lan Fan knows what she's doing, but I still make her run and take all the same classes with the rest of you. It's not just about being combat ready. It's making sure you have people you know and trust. So when you come up short, you know there's someone else that can pick up the slack and you don't have to feel guilty or make excuses for it.
FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Can you teach anything else or is it just the hand to hand courses?
[Like she can afford to pick and choose help when it's offered, the message still comes as a surprise - can't resist the urge to interrogate it a little.]
Can you teach anything else or is it just the hand to hand courses?
[Like she can afford to pick and choose help when it's offered, the message still comes as a surprise - can't resist the urge to interrogate it a little.]
[Which begs the question: how much effort does she put into putting that kind of crap down? The idea leaves a bitter taste in her mouth - not because it means telling someone to sit down long enough for them to blow more planets out of existence (she tells herself she could care less about wiping backwater rocks off the map), but because it feeds into what's pretty clearly a broken system. Policing rebellious idiots isn't going to change the fact that the brass can't do it themselves. It's a self perpetuating cycle that means they're screwed any way she looks at it.]
Well. [Because what's she supposed to say?] This is fun.
[Dry as goddamn Saturn. And she tosses down her hand.]
Well. [Because what's she supposed to say?] This is fun.
[Dry as goddamn Saturn. And she tosses down her hand.]
Sorry.
[He knows he's not the greatest conversationalist, and there's the punishment hanging over all their heads, even if his cuff hadn't turned off. Falcon isn't sure whether or not he would have preferred that. Either way, recent events don't make for an exciting night.
He reaches across the table to take the deck of cards, giving it a few shuffles, if only so his hands are occupied.]
I can get drunk if you want.
[He knows he's not the greatest conversationalist, and there's the punishment hanging over all their heads, even if his cuff hadn't turned off. Falcon isn't sure whether or not he would have preferred that. Either way, recent events don't make for an exciting night.
He reaches across the table to take the deck of cards, giving it a few shuffles, if only so his hands are occupied.]
I can get drunk if you want.
[It's not really a surrender to let him have the cards, but it feels like it - hands empty as she settles back in her chair, hooks an elbow over the back and busies herself momentarily with cleaning the dirt out from under her fingernails at close range.]
It's fine. This whole detail is just crap.
[It's not like either of their shoddy conversational skills (because let's be honest, it only takes one and it isn't like she's pulling her weight either) is really the problem here.]
If we had reliable leadership, it'd be one thing. [Would it? Would she really prefer more oversight from the brass? It'd probably just make for a different set of problems, but at least there'd be a sense of security with it.] But--
[And she turns her hand, a flippant gesture that takes the place of a shrug. Yeah and if wishes were Alliance cruises, she wouldn't be here in the first place.]
It's fine. This whole detail is just crap.
[It's not like either of their shoddy conversational skills (because let's be honest, it only takes one and it isn't like she's pulling her weight either) is really the problem here.]
If we had reliable leadership, it'd be one thing. [Would it? Would she really prefer more oversight from the brass? It'd probably just make for a different set of problems, but at least there'd be a sense of security with it.] But--
[And she turns her hand, a flippant gesture that takes the place of a shrug. Yeah and if wishes were Alliance cruises, she wouldn't be here in the first place.]
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